He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
