he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
