I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
