It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
