I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
