I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
