I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I will be naked everywhere
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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