Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
