you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
