Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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