i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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