how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
