I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
only if we run a train.
done.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
