Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
