today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
