I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
