we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
