I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
