Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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