i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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