I could have mohawked her pubes.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
