Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
