I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
