do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
