She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Your mouth is God's brothel.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
should my penis look like a turkey
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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