I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
