my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
