my vag is so smooth its legendary
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
