I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just pee around me
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
