just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
