apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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