No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
