these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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