I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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