The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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