my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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