and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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