I wanna passion pit in your ass
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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