He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
