Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Your penis caused this!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
