You're completely useless in the revolution.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
