The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
