I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
