i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Enjoy the penises
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
