I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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