Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
