Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
