The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
