You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
