Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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