Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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