I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
