The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
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