Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
