He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
