Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
