i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
